嘻嘻哈哈

FML，即 FXXk my life的缩写，直译的话就是“草，我的生活烂透了……” 　　在你感到不舒心的时候去这里，你会顿时发现生活原来没有最倒霉，只有更倒霉。 　　地址：fmylife.com 　　好了，言规正传，好戏马上上演。 1 Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML 　　　　[red]今天 作为一向坚信报应理论的老娘 偶然发现之前一个之前很不爽的女生变得又丑又肥 偶就心里极其阴暗地把她的丑照发给了几个好友 刚发好照片 偶就从椅子上滑了下来扭伤了腰... ...报应...FML[/red] 2 Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML 　[red]今天 我阻断了整条街的交通 当时我在过马路 一只蝴蝶停在我身上 我有恐蝴蝶症 结果开始像疯子一样就在马路当中大抓狂 备注：我17岁 足球队队长 肌肉男一枚——我女朋友快给我笑疯了 FML[/red] 3 Today, my grandma went to get my twin sister and I a birthday gift. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you’ve met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn’t this cute, cause you’re twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML 　　[red]今天 我奶奶出去给我和我双胞胎妹妹买生日礼物 回家的时候手里拿着两间T恤衫 每件胸前写着一行大字 “我知道你看见了一对双胞胎” 我奶奶巨开心“好玩吧？这衣服对你们俩正合适哎！” 我顿时无语 只能跟我奶奶解释了那句话到底是啥意思 FML 　　注：twins此处指一对乳房 写在女生T恤衫胸前 有点funky的意思[/red] 4 Today, I was walking home when a man passed me and stopped. Thinking he was staring at my butt, I asked him kindly to stop. He then laughed and grabbed my wallet that was in my back pocket, and ran. He wasn’t staring at my butt, and found it funny that I thought he was. FML 　[red]　今天 我回家路上发现有个男人走过我旁边停了下来 我觉得他八成在盯着我屁股看 就警告他别看了 他哈哈一笑顺手把我后面裤袋里的钱包抽走 就跑了 他根本没看我屁股 而且一定觉得我警告他的时候像个白痴 FML[/red] 5 Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn’t have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML [red]今天，我用了好几个小时尝试把门牙牙缝里面的一块食物挑出来。可是手中没有什么东西能帮得上忙的，直到我出去吃晚饭得到一根牙签。最终食物是挑出来了，但是牙签断了，同时，其中一部分卡在牙缝里……FML[/red] 6 Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML 　　[red]今天 我250磅重的男友采用男上位跟我ML 结果就是我干到一半昏了 因为憋得缺氧... FML[/red] 7 Today, I was very sick and kept throwing up. I took a shower after every time I threw up. While in the shower after I threw up, I had to throw up again, so I got out and ran to the toilet. I slipped on the tile, broke my nose on the floor, and then threw up. FML 　　[red]今天 我病得很严重 不停吐 每次我吐过我都冲个凉... 每次冲凉的时候我都又感觉要吐... 只好又跑出去马桶吐... 结果在地砖上滑倒... 鼻子摔破... 然后又吐... FML （我无比同情这位同学 实在不忍心翻译了...）[/red] 8 Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML 　　[red]今天 我带我儿子去医院 医生说我们俩都得打一针 我自告奋勇要先打 还跟儿子说打针一点都不可怕 不会有事的 结果医生一针扎得我哭得稀里哗啦... ...我4岁的儿子比他29岁的老妈勇敢多了...FML[/red] 9 Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML 　　[red]今天 我穿了我男友在我生日时送我的泳衣去参加我们家的泳池趴踢 谁知道那泳衣原来是个整蛊礼物 我刚进水3分钟泳衣居然就融化不见了... ... FML[/red] 10 Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML 　　[red]今天 我呕了 然后看到有血居然就晕血了 我才是个16岁的小姑娘 我还有几百次月经要对付呢... FML[/red] 11 Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML 　　[red]今天 我写了我这辈子以来最漂亮的一封情书 准备给一个同校女生 最后我还署上：你的神秘粉丝——够拽吧？其实不大拽 因为我写信的时候紧张过头 最后还是把我大名署在最后了... ...FML[/red] 12　　Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML 　　[red]今天 我女朋友给我的老二起了个名儿——“小胡萝卜宝宝” FML[/red] 13 Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML 　　 [red]今天，我和男友想去沃尔玛退一条短裤，就从睡房里顺手拿了一个胶袋。当客服处的收款员把袋子里的东西倒出来的时候，我的短裤和一个用过的保险套一起掉了出来。真是人生里最漫长的一次退货呀呀呀呀~~~fml[/red] 14 Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter’s internet history. On google she searched ’Excuses to get away from your dad’ and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML 　　　　[red]今天，我审查了我15岁女儿的上网记录。在google中她搜索过“摆脱你爸爸的借口”以及其他5个差不多的关键词。我们明天本该有个“父女欢聚日”的。FML[/red] 15　　Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML 　　[red]几天我在剧院当迎宾，一个男人在我跟前出事了他的票，这是他嘴里含着一口水打了个喷嚏，水从他鼻子喷出来弄了我一脸，我满脸带着他的黏糊糊的水祝他观赏愉快！FML[/red] 16 Today, I got my first kiss. I’m 56. FML 　　[red]今天，我得到了我的初吻。我56岁。FML[/red] 17 Today, I was working at a shoe store and was helping a dude try on shoes. He looked like trouble and I wanted to finish with him. When he finally picked his shoes, he abruptly stood up and ran out of the store with the shoes on. The cost of them was deducted from my salary. $240. FML 　　　　　　[red]今天，我正在鞋店上班时，一位老兄正试穿一双鞋。他看起来是个麻烦的家伙,所以我想尽快结束服务他,但他终于挑中一双鞋后,他突然站起来穿着那双鞋跑了= =！！结果那双鞋的钱从我的工资里扣了。240美元.FML[/red] 唔,如果还是烙铁的话,版主帮忙删一下吧!